Wasting Time When I Should Be Writing

Today I should be working on my dissertation.  I am in edits right now and that is not my favorite thing to do.  My adviser has sent back my proposal with lots of edits and suggestions.  I'm used to working with an editor but I'm just not motivated.  The trouble is I am on a deadline to get this done so I can start my research and time is flying by. 

During my graduate school work I have written extensively to my professors that I am a procrastinator.  It is something I have struggled to manage and control through all my classes. When I started my doctoral program many times I found myself submitting an online assignment right at the due date.  I seem to need a certain amount of push from the looming deadline to get my creative or academic juices flowing.  As classes progressed I worked hard to slay this dragon - and toward the end of my class work I often celebrated turning in assignments early. 

With the dissertation I am not facing a deadline for class or even a online assignment.  I am working alone against a timeline I laid out with my adviser several months ago.  Today I had planned to work several hours on my edits.  So far I have caught up on email, cleaned out my desk, organized all my files and updated all the calendars the building that I manage for a community college.  I've done lots of things but nothing really substantive toward my dissertation writing. At least I left my Kindle at home so I am not reading a book, although I have discovered the "Amazon Cloud" and now can read from any device. 

This is not going to work.  I'm not sure why I am avoiding my work, it is not hard or even terribly creative.  It is just tedious and very detail oriented.  My adviser even has given me extensive notes to follow to make my proposal better.  I have got to master this because I am committed to having this done so I can participate in graduation in May 2014. 

If anyone has advice I would appreciate it.  So far I have made charts and set deadlines.  I have told friends and my writing partners about my goals.  Many people are checking on my and I tell them I am doing fine - but I am not.  I have explored my feelings and realized some of this is fear of failure - or possible fear of success.  I'm not sure which.  I just want to get motivated to finish this final leg of my academic journey. 

So if you are reading this send me suggestions, thoughts or prayers that I get this under control and start moving forward.  I want to be done and need to stop wasting time when I should be writing!