Week Before Christmas

It's a week before Christmas and I have so much to do.  Every year I get myself into the situation.  I have all the best intentions but my procrastination just kicks in and I am doing everything at the last minute.  Oh, that does not include decorating.  I did the decorating right after Thanksgiving.  Last year I was so sad following the death of my mom right after Thanksgiving that I did not even get the decorations out of the attic.  This year I do have a little more holiday spirit. 

Right now my husband calls the garage the "warehouse."  It is full of gifts,  mainly for our grandson and his parents.  There are a few things for my husband also.  His birthday is also in December so he gets double presents this month.  I need to focus on wrapping presents and then maybe making a few batches of cookies. 

Why do I do this to myself every year?  I see all the photos and commercials of the people with the perfect holiday decorations and baking and presents and want that for myself.  Unfortunately it seems that is only important to me.  The others in my family are fine with whatever happens over the holidays.  Maybe I need to come up with a catchy name for it and my procrastination will be validated. 

So over the next few days I will dig in and just get everything done, it always ends up being just fine and I make all the deadlines.  Maybe next year it will be better, or I will just accept myself for who I am, a procrastinator with the best intentions, and enjoy and process. 

Shopping Small

Last week was Thanksgiving then the Black Thursday/Black Friday sales.  I only needed a few items for my grandson, son and husband so rather than hitting the stores on Thanksgiving or Friday I got online and ordered all my items.  I even got the Black Friday prices and free shipping on everything.  I felt pretty proud of myself because I used my time wisely and also was not tempted by all the other deals in the stores.

So Saturday was a day for small business.  I did want to do a little shopping for the season so I drove over to my favorite jewelry store (Master Jewelers).  They were having a very busy day but took some time to talk about two jewelry repairs I needed done and then help me find a gift for one of my family members.  I was looking for a specific type of piece so the owner pulled out some of his estate jewelry and we found exactly what I wanted.  I think the person I bought it for will love it.

Later in the day my husband and I decided to go out to dinner.  We went to one of our favorite local restaurants Big Mike's Cafe.  Big Mike's is run by a brother and sister (Chef Mike and his sister Katie).  That night extra help was brought in, Mike's fiance Megan.  They had a performer there that evening (Matthew Corken) who was singing original music and playing several instruments.  Matthew's family filled the restaurant and were a loud and appreciative audience.  We spent the better part of the evening there enjoying great food but also enjoying the atmosphere of fun.  At one point in the evening the performer brought up two of his young relatives who helped him out as his percussion section.  They did a great job and got a enthusiastic round of applause at the end of their performance. 

So I decided I had the best of shopping experiences for this week.  I got exactly what I wanted online, at Black Friday prices, with free shipping to my house.  Later I was able to shop small visiting two of my favorite businesses.  It was the best of all worlds. 

I don't get Twitter

I have really struggled with Twitter.  Not that it is hard to set up an account - although I don't have one yet.  I have set them up for my husband and a friend.  I just don't get the idea of posting my thoughts for others to read and then writing about what others are doing. 

Maybe it comes from the fact that I am an Introvert (as demonstrated by the Myers Briggs Type Indicator).  I draw my energy and enjoy solitary pursuits. For me the perfect vacation to re-energize myself is a beach, a chair and a pile of unread books, or a well stocked Kindle. 

From what I have seen on Twitter it is lots of people tweeting about their days, their pursuits, their opinions or what they think about other people.  Maybe I have it wrong and there is more to Twitter than that. 

Now you can say that I really don't know the importance of Twitter until I try it.  Many of my writer friends swear by it to help them stay in touch with readers and fans, as well as other writers.  I'm not to the that point in my writing career yet.  I'm still trying the master Facebook and a blog, as well as my final steps in a doctoral dissertation. 

Having spent some time with young adults it seems that Twitter was designed for their generation.  Many of the young adults I know are absolutely sure that the world is just waiting for them to spew words of wisdom, or their opinions about life, relationships and everything else that crosses their minds.  They do it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and any other vehicle they can find to spread their understanding of the world and how they fit into it.  This is the generation raised by my generation, children of Baby Boomers who were raised to think that we are all just waiting for them to come along and fix all the problems of the world....or at least have an opinion about it. 

I'm not being critical but making an observation from my vantage point.  It seems to me that maybe it is better to call the person you are writing about rather than post on Facebook, or Tweet that you love them, miss them or just appreciate them. 

Anyway, if someone has any advice for me about Twitter then I would appreciate it.  Maybe I just need to set up a an account and try it for a while. 

Another Hurdle Completed

This week I sat before my doctoral committee and defended my dissertation proposal.  It was a grueling process where I was questioned about my ideas and challenged to be more "scholarly."  After about an hour of questions and suggestions on how to make my ideas better and tighter the committee approved my proposal and signed off on it.  Today I received an email from the graduate school that I attend that I am officially a candidate for a doctorate.

All that is left is the gathering my data, writing up the results and then the final defense of my dissertation to the same group of people.  One of my committee members challenged me to come back to our final meeting ready to "wow" them with my work.  I guess she was telling me that I will not be allowed to just slide through.  It makes sense because they sign off on my work as a committee so their reputations will be linked to my final research and writing. 

The final phases of this journey have been a classic example of "approach/avoidance" behavior on my part.  This is my goal, to achieve a doctorate and complete this final piece of work.  Yet I have fought it all the way.  One part of me is astounded that I would be in this place.  It has been a dream of mine, and I visualize myself completing it, yet a small part of me does not feel that I am worthy of this type of academic accomplishment. 

The other demon I am fighting is my propensity toward procrastination.  I would rather be doing anything than trudging through piles of academic journals to prove my point as part of my research.  Yet it has to be done and if getting a doctorate was easy everyone would have one. 

So I continue the journey step by step, making lists, adding more writing to my document in Dropbox and soon gathering data.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there are only a few more hurdles to clear.  I will keep you posted on how it goes. 

A Member of our Pack has Left Us

For the last 10 years my husband and I have had 2 dogs, Allie and Buddy.  They have been our companions, time arrangers, controllers of our schedules (see previous blog entry) and pack members.  Buddy, our 15 - year -old retriever mix, had been failing for the last few months.  He had severe arthritis in his hips and was being treated by a veterinary acupuncturist for the last several months.  The acupuncture was successful but he continued to decline as advanced doggy age caught up with him.

We had to make the tough decision to put him to sleep this last weekend.  He could no longer walk and was unable to control his bladder.  He just was at the end of his ability to try any longer.  He would have continued just to keep my husband happy but was in pain, scared and just did not have the energy to fight any longer.  So my husband made the heart breaking decision to allow Buddy to pass from this life.

The vet made arrangements on a Sunday afternoon to help us and we took Buddy for his last car ride.  He spent his last day trying to do the things he loved, get a toilet drink, have snacks, steal our other dog's treats and get his ears petted.  Yet we knew that every step and movement was taking its toll on him.

Now we have to get through our grief and also help Allie, our other dog, get through hers.  She has never known a time when Buddy was not part of her life as her companion and general nuisance.  It's heart breaking to watch her look for him as we take our walks, or search the house for him in his favorite places when we return.

I know this grief will pass, we will move on in our lives and keep Buddy in our hearts as a happy memory.  I also hope that as my husband and I pass from this life we will see our dogs as we cross from this existence to the next.

Buddy had a long and happy life.  We adopted him from a rescue organization when he was a puppy and he lived with us for 15 and 1/2 years.  He was not a perfect dog but he was loved and loved us back, especially my husband.  He will be missed.   

Happiness

Last night I was teaching my Introduction to Psychology class and we were talking about emotions.  After reviewing some of the theory behind emotions we focused on happiness.  Many of my students were wondering how we can pursue happiness in our lives.

I showed them a video by Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert (the narrator for the Prudential commercials about aging and retirement).  In this video, available on Ted.com (The Surprising Science of Happiness) Professor Gilbert talks about how as humans we can synthesize happiness.  Through his research he demonstrated that the fewer choices we have in life the happier we are with the choices we make.  Later in the discussion we talked about the activities all of us can do to help us realize happiness more in our lives.  These steps include:

• Being physically active (increases endorphins in our bodies)
• Expressing kindness
• Showing gratitude
• Being optimistic
• Dwelling less on the negative
• Doing positive self reflection - specifically keeping a gratitude journal 

As the students and I were going through this list and talking about each of the components I realized that for me I want to choose happiness in my life.  It's easy when things are going badly to get sucked into the negativity and just allow myself to wallow in it for a while.  Yet I really prefer being a "glass half full" person to being a "glass half empty" person. 

Many of us have heard that one way to reduce sadness in our lives is to reach outside of ourselves and help others.  That is only one of the items on the above "prescription" for happiness.  Recognizing and showing gratitude in our lives also helps to lead us to happiness. 

I plan to include this list in my notes on my smartphone and try to practice some of these things every day.  Even if it is just taking time for a walk in the middle of the day when things are craziest in my life I want to do things that allow me to focus on happiness and not negativity.

I challenged my students to let me know what worked for them this upcoming week.  Most of them are working, parenting and going to school so their lives are also very busy.  I asked them all to take time to work on a little happiness booster during the week.

How do you achieve happiness in your life?  Do you have another item, or items, for the prescription above?  If so let me know what you do to choose happiness.

Life Outside the Door

I am the manager at a community campus site for a college.  Our office and campus backs up to the Indianapolis International Airport so there is a large parking lot and then lots of flat open space for the runways.  Yesterday morning we heard a loud bang against our front doors.

Looking out there was a dead bird laying on the sidewalk.  At first we thought the bird had just flown into the glass doors and been killed.  Then a second later a juvenile peregrin falcon landed on the dead bird.  I have heard that they often will drive prey into glass windows to stun them and then will go in for the kill.  This young bird did not need to do that because the prey was dead when it hit the sidewalk.

We watched while the falcon sat on its kill for several minutes.  My assistant and I were speculating that it was possible the falcon also was stunned by also hitting the glass window when it captured the prey.  After a couple of minutes the falcon grabbed the dead bird and flew onto the grassy area at the rear of our parking lot.  We talked about how we did not see a band on the falcon and wondered where it had come from.

There are peregrine falcons which nest in downtown Indianapolis but those babies are banded before they leave the nest.  So I am not sure where this one originated but he or she was a beautiful creature doing what it was born to do, hunt for prey.  

It was exciting to see this swift but deadly bird in action.  I was happy that this young falcon did not injure itself in it quest to find breakfast.  I was reminded that the circle of life is all around us.  My husband is always sad to see some of our wild bunnies or squirrels be killed on the roads around our house.  Yet I always remind him that without predators and the danger of cars we would be over run with bunnies, squirrels, rodents and birds. 

For us it was a few moments of excitement in a normal Tuesday.  I will be watching for that falcon when I go to work.  It's possible we will see it again. 

A New Car and the Sync Specialist

So this week I bought a new car (new car for me, newer car in terms of age).  My husband's 15-year-old Pontiac Sunfire gave up the ghost and we needed to find something newer.  I have not had a new car in years.  It was so much fun looking at cars and sifting through what I wanted and did not want.  I finally landed on a 2012 Ford Escape.  I really like the older Ford Escapes that are on a Ford Ranger chassis rather than the new ones that look like all the other cars on the road.  It's a beautiful car and should do well for me.

So as part of the purchase process I was introduced to Alan the Sync Specialist at the dealership.  He was the person who showed me how to sync my phone with my car so I can talk and drive without picking up the phone.  It also downloaded my contacts list to my car so the car can call someone for me from voice commands and will show me who is calling.  Oh my gosh, how cool!  I have been having fun with this feature but find it a little distracting.  When I was introduced to the Sync Specialist I told him to be kind to me because I am old and not very tech literate.

He was a cute young man and was very patient with me.  It was just so amazing that now a part of your car buying experience includes connecting your technology to the car!  In the past all that would happen would be someone would show you the features and then send you on your way.  Alan said that I could call him if I have problems and need a refresher in how to use the technology.

I am still finding new things in this car and how they work.  There are still buttons I am finding that I don't know what they do.  I do know that I don't want to spend time trying them out while driving!

So times have changed.  I find it amazing how technology is even part of our driving experience now.  Yet I also enjoy the quiet of driving down the road with just my thoughts to keep me company. 

A Change in Leadership

My husband and I went to Miami University in Oxford Ohio for college.  We have had season football tickets for probably 30 years and are avid supports of the football team.  Over the years we have had good seasons and bad but we have stayed loyal to the program.  For the last three years we have had a coach who has struggled.  He took over a team that was struggling but was able to have winning seasons.  Even though he is a Miami grad (Cradle of Coaches) and a very nice man (we have talked to him several times) it seems that the team was not improving but heading in the opposite direction.  This season we have not won a game (0 - 5) and have been outscored 178 to 44 points in 5 games. 

Last Saturday my husband and I were at the game.  It was a miserable day weather-wise yet even more miserable was the performance of the team.  They seemed uncaring of winning and appeared to be going through the motions on the field.  They also had way too many penalties and were beaten soundly by a team that had only won one game so far.  Overall it was one of the worst performances of a Miami football team I had ever seen.  As we were leaving town my husband and I commented on whether the coach would keep his job. 

On Sunday night there was a Facebook announcement that Coach Treadwell had been relieved of his duties as coach and Mike Bath has been named interim football coach for Miami University.  My husband was shocked that a change had been made so quickly and decisively. 

It seemed that Coach Treadwell, although a nice man and a good offensive coordinator, was not able to build the culture of winning and bring the leadership needed to run a football program.  What is that quality of an excellent football coach that transcends knowing the game?  I was asking my husband that question and he was unsure what it is but says he knows when he sees it.  I guess we all do because we love teams that win.  So what is the difference?  Is it the ability to lead?  The ability to set a culture of winning yet doing it within the confines of college football?  I'm sure if someone had the answer they would be sought out and become fabulously wealthy teaching others how to develop a winning football program on the college level.  

Mike's Garage

My husband and I have a friend who is an excellent automobile mechanic.  He used to work at a car dealership and then at a neighborhood gas station (one of the few that still have a garage attached).  After some physical problems and just getting tired of the "crap" he decided to get a different job and stopped working at a garage. 

But amazingly enough the garage followed him.  Now when he gets home from his regular job at about 5:15 every night he opens his garage door and "Mike's Garage" is open for business.  Recently I was there getting a new air conditioner unit installed in my car.   Mike set up a lawn chair for me to sit in as he worked.  It was a pleasant evening so I was enjoying the weather and reading my Kindle Fire. 

While I was there Mike and I were discussing which heavy metal bands we both enjoyed.  He recommended a couple new ones for me to check out.  It was not long after the opening of the garage that people started drifting over or stopping by.  First it was a neighbor who returned a tool and asked to borrow another one.  After a brief discussion about how to do a certain repair he returned home.  Then another person stopped by to ask about how to do a home repair and borrow a tool.  Then Mike's step son stopped by to drop off some type of equipment.  While all this is going on the heavy metal music is blaring and Mike continues to work on my car.  I read my Kindle but really was watching the unfolding of the interactions as Mike juggled multiple tasks and conversations. 

It was fun to stop and visit at Mike's Garage for that evening.  He did get my car fixed (and at a great price).  In addition I have some new bands to add to my iPod, thanks to his recommendation.  I also got to see a community at work.  Mike's Garage is the gathering point for his neighborhood and his family.  People drift in and out, based on their need and maybe just the desire to connect.  Everyone seems to know everyone and Mike is the focal point of all this activity.  He continues to work, pass out advice, loan and accept tools and is doing work he loves.  For someone like me, I got a great deal on a repair on my car while having a chance to watch a community in full swing. 

Recently I stopped by again to have Mike give me a consultation on a noise I was hearing in my engine.  The door to Mike's Garage was open then also and people were gathering.  I asked him if that happens every night.  He said that those who know him know that if the garage door is open he is "open for business." 

Comcast, the Self-Install Kit and the Power of the Barter System

So a few months ago we got an email from Comcast.  They have been advertising their faster internet speeds with Xfinity for a while now.  We were told that the modem and router we had did not work with their faster speeds.  So what we needed to do was request a new modem and router.  Comcast would send it to us free and it would include a "Self-Install" kit for us to replace the old modem and router with this new, better, faster modem. 

I really did not see the need to do this until we had two teenagers move into our house at the start of tho hockey season.  We house USHL hockey players for the local team.  With the addition of two teenagers and all their smartphones/computers/online games and other stuff using our wifi the speeds fell to non-existent.  So I emailed Comcast and got the new modem sent to us.  It arrived in a box at a time when I was so busy I could not even think of taking a day and playing tech with our home wifi. 

We were at the hockey game last weekend and sat in front of some friends.  The man was telling us that he does some home IT work for people who need help with systems and computers.  On a whim I asked him if he could install our new modem to help me out.  We were willing to pay him for his time.  He said he would give it a try and we set up a date and time for him to visit our house. 

He came and was able to set up the entire system.  That included installing the new modem and resetting all the passwords on our encrypted system. He also replaced an ancient computer with my newer laptop on the wired system and set up my husband's laptop and smartphone so both got wifi.  In addition since we share some of our hockey tickets with him and his wife he did it for free! 

It was wonderful!  I could have done it but was not looking forward to the amount of work it would take or mental energy I would have to use talking to tech support and trying to figure out the instructions that usually remind me of Klingon when I try to decipher them.  I was so grateful. 

So the moral of this story is that sometimes when you are dreading something, especially something involving technology, it is helpful to have someone you can ask to do it for you.  Also the power of barter is amazing because I got something I needed and we are sharing hockey tickets with someone who wants some.  Our wifi works much better and faster and so hockey from Finland and online Xbox games are all available to our hockey players. 

My next barter project, after completing my doctorate, is to make a t-shirt quilt for my hairdresser in exchange for haircuts. 

"Back in the USSR"

Well not really.  A few weeks ago we were at a concert of a Beatles tribute act (Classical Mystery Tour) and one of the songs they played was this Beatles classic.  It just further reminded me how things can change.  There is no longer a USSR in existence.  Yet this week with the Syrian crisis, the intervention of the Russian President and the strained relations between the US and Russia it brought back memories of our issues with Russia.  How many of you remember practicing nuclear attack drills in elementary school.  Even as a kid I wondered how hiding under my desk in my elementary school would protect me from a nuclear attack and radioactive fallout!

Last year we had a young Russian hockey player live with us for several months.  He has since returned to his home in Kazan and is playing for the Kazan Bars, a minor league hockey team to the AK Kazan Bars of the KHL.  He and I correspond by email regularly keeping up on each others' lives.  He tells me about visits from his fiance, his current studies to become a coach and his playing statistics.  I tell him about our life after he left the US, our grandson and updates on what we are doing.  We often exchange photos like the one he sent me here:



We developed a connection that transcends language, culture and politics.  To my husband and me,  he is our Russian son and we are his American parents.

As I was talking to my son (the one who lives in Nashville) he was saying that I better be careful right now with communicating with someone in Russia.  I know he was joking yet it brought back memories of when I was a child and Russia was our enemy in the Cold War.  I can't think of that right now.  I just want to be able to continue to send emails and keep in touch with my "Russian son" in Kazan.