This week I sat before my doctoral committee and defended my dissertation proposal. It was a grueling process where I was questioned about my ideas and challenged to be more "scholarly." After about an hour of questions and suggestions on how to make my ideas better and tighter the committee approved my proposal and signed off on it. Today I received an email from the graduate school that I attend that I am officially a candidate for a doctorate.
All that is left is the gathering my data, writing up the results and then the final defense of my dissertation to the same group of people. One of my committee members challenged me to come back to our final meeting ready to "wow" them with my work. I guess she was telling me that I will not be allowed to just slide through. It makes sense because they sign off on my work as a committee so their reputations will be linked to my final research and writing.
The final phases of this journey have been a classic example of "approach/avoidance" behavior on my part. This is my goal, to achieve a doctorate and complete this final piece of work. Yet I have fought it all the way. One part of me is astounded that I would be in this place. It has been a dream of mine, and I visualize myself completing it, yet a small part of me does not feel that I am worthy of this type of academic accomplishment.
The other demon I am fighting is my propensity toward procrastination. I would rather be doing anything than trudging through piles of academic journals to prove my point as part of my research. Yet it has to be done and if getting a doctorate was easy everyone would have one.
So I continue the journey step by step, making lists, adding more writing to my document in Dropbox and soon gathering data. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there are only a few more hurdles to clear. I will keep you posted on how it goes.
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