Social Media Envy

Right now it is summer semester at the college where I work.  So I am teaching an advanced level psychology class online  - abnormal psychology.  Many of my students are from other colleges and are taking this class to pick up some credits toward their academic goals. 

As a professor I am always looking for timely material that will help me make psychology relevant to my students who are mostly millennials.  I often tell them that I am a digital immigrant so for me staying connected through social media is not intuitive.

So recently I have been reading about something called social media envy.  This is a condition, that has been studied in several research articles, where those who are active on social media can develop depression based on their envy of their friends seemingly perfect lives on social media.

You know what that is like, the friends who post photos of their wonderful vacations, their beautiful and delicious meals and who have perfect, photogenic children.  As people are lurking on social media they see their friends lives which are much more fun, beautiful and more perfect than theirs.  This envy can lead to depression, "Wow, ____'s life is so much better than mine!  What is wrong with my life that it is not as wonderful as ______'s?"

Constant comparison of our lives to those of our social media "friends" who seem to have everything going for them leads those of us with just regular lives to experience envy and depression.  Believe me this is a real condition!

So what can we do?  It is important to know that those people with the perfect lives are probably just a hum drum as the rest of us.  They are just better at navigating social media!   Just as college entrance exams don't really test your knowledge but your test-taking ability.  Extensive use of social media to broadcast your perfect life is more a measure of your use of social media, and comfort with sharing your life with your friends than the perfection of your life. 

So the rest of us who don't share every little nuance of our lives are not less perfect, we just don't feel the need to constantly share, tweet, snap or whatever. 

What do you think?  Do you get envious and depressed watching the perfection of your social media friends? 

Reciprocity and Social Contracts

One of the classes I teach at the community college where I work is Social Psychology.  It is one of my favorite classes where we explore humans as social beings and how we interact with each other.  One of the theories we explore is how relationships can be seen as social contracts.  Within this theory is the belief that all relationships exist for the people in the relationship to realize something.  That may include friendships that help those in the relationship overcome loneliness.  Another example is a romance based on great sex.  This theory sets forth that all relationships are based on a social exchange system where the individuals in the relationship enter to get something and when they are no longer realizing what they desire the relationship is over.

This theory came to mind recently when I was frustrated about a my relationship with a friend. This friend is someone I worked with at my previous employer.  While we worked together we became very close friends - or at least I thought that was so.  Our jobs overlapped so we often found ourselves working on projects together and depending on each other for results in our work assignments.  Several years ago I left that employer to pursue other interests.  I stayed in touch with my friend through email and Facebook.   When I was in the part of town where her office was located I would often take time to stop by and visit.  As time went on our communication became more sporadic and the time between visits lengthened.  She recently left that same employer and is now going through a career change herself.  I sent an email to her last week asking if we could meet.  So far no response.

Now I know people change and stuff happens.  We all move on in our lives and may lose touch with those people who we consider friends.  Yet in thinking about our relationship (or lack of one) I have come to the point where I am no longer going to reach out to her.  That does not mean that if she should reach out to me in the future I won't respond.  I just will not put any more energy into reaching out to her because it seems that staying in touch is not important to her.

How do you handle relationships that have run their course?  Do you just let them go - saying enough is enough?   I have started to look at relationships in terms of reciprocity.  What am I investing and what is the other person investing?  There seems a time when you just have to say "I'm done" and move on. 

I got nothing!

For the last few weeks I have been opening this blog and planning to write something.  Yet when I get to this item on my "to do" list I can't think of anything to write.  Is this writer's block or something else?

Right now things are difficult at work.  Decisions have been made regarding my work in which I am not in agreement.  Yet I have to do what I am told when the decision is taken out of my hands.  This week change and things will get better but right now it is pretty rocky.  I'm fighting hard not to end up in the pit of depression.  Even my smart phone is acting up, it is using the battery power really quickly so I have to charge it several times a day.  

I have checked with Google on how I can fix my cell phone but the instructions are pretty involved and I either don't have the energy or the time to go through all the steps that are recommended.  So I just hang on and hope things will be better, or I will end up getting a new phone. 

What do you do when you are just a a low ebb in life?  I need some boosters for my psyche right now.  I will work harder at eating right and getting some exercise every day.   That always seems to help me. 

So, I am sorry I am using this space to do a little whining.  I know things will change and turn around for the better.  Send some good thoughts and prayers my way. 

The Circus Leaves Town after Today

Today is the primary election in Indiana.  I got up early today to make sure I stopped to vote on my way to work.  For me (yes, I am old and traditional) it is an honor and a privilege to have the right to let my voice be heard in elections.  I am grateful to live in the United States and to enjoy the freedoms for which many people have made sacrifices.  I am grateful for all members of the military, past and present, who left their families and homes and fought in places not of their choosing to help support our freedom. 

That said, this election cycle has been the most distasteful and divisive I can remember.  Maybe part of the problem is that unlike in the past, Indiana's primary results will play a major role in the final decision for each party's candidate.  We have been inundated with political television ads, negative candidate ads, extremely negative PAC (Political Action Committees) ads, piles of mailings and phone calls.  To be honest I am already tired of all of it. 

So I was telling Pack Rat and my friends I will be very glad when this circus folds up its tents and moves on after the polls close for the Indiana primary today.  They can take this show on the road and move onto the next stop, wherever it happens to be. 

Unfortunately I do not see this campaign getting any more civil as we move to the general election.  The only redeeming virtue is that we will probably get a little reprieve before things heat up again  closer to November. 

You know you have been married for a long time...

This week was Pack Rat's and my anniversary.  It was definitely an exciting event.  On Tuesday night after we both got home from work we were watching the news.  The announcer recounted that April 19 was the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing.

"Wait a minute!" said Pack Rat, "Is today April 19?"

Me, "Yes, oh my goodness, it's our anniversary"  So you see Pack Rat is not the only clueless person in the family.

"Happy Anniversary" we say to each other.

Not exactly the exciting, romantic type of anniversary celebration many people experience.  When you have been married 41 years like we have I guess it is just another day.

To be honest I had thought about it a few days earlier and had planned to make a nice dinner so we can have a quiet evening at home.  We are going into Pack Rat's busy time of the year with work so for him it is hard to find a weekend or an evening that he is free for dinner out. 

I have had the honor and blessing to have been married to my best friend as well as a wonderful husband.  Yes, we have our squabbles but overall it has been a wonderful journey and I hope we have many more years together. 

Happy Anniversary, Pack Rat! 

A blessing and a curse.

Being a writer I am often playing out scenarios in my head.  I may see something during the day and all of a sudden I am thinking, "Wow, I need to remember that for a book."  Sometimes I write the ideas down to pull out later.  More often I think of writing them down and then they are lost in the many things that happen throughout the day.  This can be a blessing or a curse. 

Last week I was at the physical therapist's starting some treatment for a sore shoulder. (the reason for the sore shoulder is another story I won't share here)   There was a high school age girl there working on some exercises.  I don't know anything about her other than she was very cute, very high energy and very talkative.  As she was leaving she mentioned that the prom was that weekend.  The physical therapist mentioned, as a joke, that he hoped her date did not cancel on her.  Then he said, "wait, you would drag his dead body to the prom with you!"

I was not included in the conversation but once I heard that I started laughing.  In my mind I saw this beautiful girl all dressed up in her prom garb dragging the dead body of her boyfriend (also dressed up in his tux or whatever they wear now) to the prom with her.  I thought what a great story title,  Zombie Prom! 

That is the blessing of having a writer's mind.  The curse is that sometimes I come up with stories about people that are no where close to the truth.

Recently our neighbor, who is a woman who lives alone because her children are all grown, had a younger man move in with her.  My husband and I were speculating about their relationship.  Well, I was thinking,  "Good for her, a younger man!"  My mind immediately in the gutter (hubba! hubba!).

We were both far from the truth.  Last weekend she was out working in her yard and her head had been shaved.  We asked and she said that she had been treated for breast cancer seven years ago and it had gone into remission.  Recently it returned, with a vengeance, and she was suffering from an extremely aggressive form of cancer.  Although she is getting treatment the doctors said that she will not go back into remission again.  The treatment may help give her a little more time but she is facing the day soon when treatments will end and she will just be waiting for the cancer to end her life.  

My internal stories of an older woman with a younger man were so wrong.  The man is a friend who is there to help her with everyday tasks so she can continue to function as well as she can right now.  Her children are all grown and she lives alone so he will be helping her through her final days.

A blessing and a curse.  Sometimes my flights of fancy can be funny and give me a visual of the "Zombie Prom"  Other times I am completely wrong and someone is just trying to get through this life as best as they can.  Lesson learned - don't judge so quickly. 

Water for a Millennium!

Recently I have found that I do not like the taste of diet drinks.  I usually drink water but when I want something a little fizzy I will turn to sparkling water, with a wedge of lemon or lime in it.  Now I know that dentists say that anything that has carbonation is bad for your teeth but sometimes only something a little fizzy will do.

I bought some sparkling water from Meijer last week, where I usually shop.  It was on sale so I thought it would be fine.  Now the obsessive compulsive side of me always looks at the dates on any food.  I want to know the date for ... Use by:  Sell by:  or Best by:

Here is what the label on my sparkling water has on it:

OK, this water is Best By: May 3016!  I guess I don't have to worry about hurrying up and drinking this water right away!

I have never seen any product that is good for 1,000 years!  Will the bottle hold up that long?  Will it still be carbonated for a millennium?   Will people (if there are still people around) be drinking water in the year 3016.  Where will they store water that is good for 1,000 years?  All these thoughts just boggle my mind. 

My husband, the Pack Rat, said that it must be a misprint.  Someone at the bottling plant just keyed in the wrong number.  I find thinking about thousand year old sparkling water just staggering.

What do you think?  Is it a mistake or will this bottle be around for a thousand years?