Reciprocity and Social Contracts

One of the classes I teach at the community college where I work is Social Psychology.  It is one of my favorite classes where we explore humans as social beings and how we interact with each other.  One of the theories we explore is how relationships can be seen as social contracts.  Within this theory is the belief that all relationships exist for the people in the relationship to realize something.  That may include friendships that help those in the relationship overcome loneliness.  Another example is a romance based on great sex.  This theory sets forth that all relationships are based on a social exchange system where the individuals in the relationship enter to get something and when they are no longer realizing what they desire the relationship is over.

This theory came to mind recently when I was frustrated about a my relationship with a friend. This friend is someone I worked with at my previous employer.  While we worked together we became very close friends - or at least I thought that was so.  Our jobs overlapped so we often found ourselves working on projects together and depending on each other for results in our work assignments.  Several years ago I left that employer to pursue other interests.  I stayed in touch with my friend through email and Facebook.   When I was in the part of town where her office was located I would often take time to stop by and visit.  As time went on our communication became more sporadic and the time between visits lengthened.  She recently left that same employer and is now going through a career change herself.  I sent an email to her last week asking if we could meet.  So far no response.

Now I know people change and stuff happens.  We all move on in our lives and may lose touch with those people who we consider friends.  Yet in thinking about our relationship (or lack of one) I have come to the point where I am no longer going to reach out to her.  That does not mean that if she should reach out to me in the future I won't respond.  I just will not put any more energy into reaching out to her because it seems that staying in touch is not important to her.

How do you handle relationships that have run their course?  Do you just let them go - saying enough is enough?   I have started to look at relationships in terms of reciprocity.  What am I investing and what is the other person investing?  There seems a time when you just have to say "I'm done" and move on.